my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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