so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
