How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
