my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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