Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
