its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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