I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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