I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
