I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize