can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
