What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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