how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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