Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
