My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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