I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Dick very happy bro
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
