Soap is not a condiment
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
