you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
