Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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