Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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