let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
