Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
