I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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