You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
