You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
