She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
