my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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