I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
