we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
