you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
