I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i dont even know how to be here
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
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