sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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