No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize