I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
