i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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