I love black thongs
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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