Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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