Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
