Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
