You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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