so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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