That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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