omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
