Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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