After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
