hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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