I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize