your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
