Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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