Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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