i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
