I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
