Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
