There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
