i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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