I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
