just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
