Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize