Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
