I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
