why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
