you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
