matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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