dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
