Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
