I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
