We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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