I'm lost and stupid without you.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
