Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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