What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
