I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
