The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
