I showed him my bush... on skype.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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