If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
