Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
