Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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