Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
