She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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