I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the condom got lost in my hair
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
