Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
