Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
