its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
