I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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