I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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