apparently the secret to your success is patron
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
