so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
