Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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