i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She announced her abortion via fbk
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
