no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
May the power of my ass compel you!!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
