Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
