I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize