I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
